Relationships and Insecure Attachments

Insecurity can be a significant problem in our lives.

It takes root when an infant's attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord.

Did you know? Emotional insecurities might lead to:

• Tuning out – If a parent is always busy or self-absorbed, children may shut down and learn to avoid any intimate connections. As adults, they may act emotionally distant or cold towards their partners.
• Insecure relationships – If a parent is inconsistent, the child may become insecure and fearful, and unsure what to expect. As grown adults, they may be the type that are attentive and caring one moment and cold the next.
• Aggressiveness and anger – Children of abusive parents can, as grown adults, become insensitive to their partner’s needs and may have difficulty with love and trust.
• Slow development – Children may experience physical and cognitive delays, which can lead to mental problems and social difficulties as adults.

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Marriage counseling or surviving a break up

A relationship break-up or divorce can be completely devastating. The feeling of loss, rejection, and loneliness can be so overwhelming that most people fear they will never love or be loved again. You might feel that you might never be able to trust again, or feel that same spark.

The emotional pain of a break-up or divorce is similar to what we experience with the death of a loved one.

The difference is that physically everyone is ok, but both partners, particularly the one that is rejected, go through tremendous mixed emotions that range from wanting to reconcile and moving on.

The stages of a break-up or divorce might include:

• Shock/Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Shock/Denial This is a stage where you are still in disbelief. It almost seems like you are waiting to wake up from a nightmare. If your partner left you, you are still hoping that he might change his mind. You might even expect him to walk through the door and say, "It was just a dream."

Anger Reality is starting to set in, and the feelings of shock/denial start to turn into anger. You might feel anger towards the other person for leaving you and for causing you emotional pain.

Bargaining This is the stage of a break-up where you will plead to reverse the situation. If you've lost a family member, you might ask God to bring him back in exchange for an offer in return. If your partner wants to end the relationship, you might try to bargain with him, "If you stay, It will be better. I promise.”

Depression Finally you realize that it is really over. She is not coming back. The anxiety is now gone. Enter depression. You feel alone, down and withdrawn. It feels like there is no end in sight. This stage, like the ones before it, is also temporary but it can last up to 6 months or more, depending on how serious the relationship was.

Acceptance This is the final stage, and the best one for obvious reasons. You haven't forgotten what happened, but you are able to look at it with a fresh new perspective. The memories of the relationship might come back every now and then, but rarely last.
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Alcohol and Drug Abuse

Using alcohol or drugs does not mean that a person has a substance use disorder. However, as soon as a person’s use leads to problems at work or at home, or causes damage to his or her health, it is probably time to seek help. Alcohol Men who drink five or more standard drinks (12 oz of beer, 4 oz of wine, or 1 oz of hard liquor) in a day (or 15 or more per week) and women who drink 4 or more in a day (or eight or more per week) are at increased risk for alcohol-related problems. About 3 in 10 adults drink at levels that increase their risk for problems, which may include hypertension, GI bleeding, sleep disorders, depression, stroke, cirrhosis of the liver, and several cancers.

There are two main alcohol disorders: alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence. Alcohol abuse is less severe, but can lead to physically risky behavior, interpersonal problems, inability to function appropriately at home or work, and legal troubles. Alcohol dependence is more severe and is characterized by preoccupation with drinking, inability to cut back, and symptoms of physical need and withdrawal, including increased tolerance.

Using alcohol or drugs does not mean that a person has a substance use disorder. However, as soon as a person’s use leads to problems at work or at home, or causes damage to his or her health, it is probably time to seek help.

Alcohol Men who drink five or more standard drinks (12 oz of beer, 4 oz of wine, or 1 oz of hard liquor) in a day (or 15 or more per week) and women who drink 4 or more in a day (or eight or more per week) are at increased risk for alcohol-related problems. About 3 in 10 adults drink at levels that increase their risk for problems, which may include hypertension, GI bleeding, sleep disorders, depression, stroke, cirrhosis of the liver, and several cancers. There are two main alcohol disorders: alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence.

Alcohol abuse is less severe, but can lead to physically risky behavior, interpersonal problems, inability to function appropriately at home or work, and legal troubles. Alcohol dependence is more severe and is characterized by preoccupation with drinking, inability to cut back, and symptoms of physical need and withdrawal, including increased tolerance.

Symptoms of alcohol dependence:

• Drinking alone or in secret
• Being unable to limit the amount of alcohol you drink
• Not remembering conversations or commitments, sometimes referred to as "blacking out"
• Making a ritual of having drinks before, with or after dinner and becoming annoyed when this ritual is disturbed or questioned
• Losing interest in activities and hobbies that used to bring pleasure
• Feeling a need or compulsion to drink
• Irritability when your usual drinking time nears, especially if alcohol isn't available
• Keeping alcohol in unlikely places at home, at work or in the car
• Gulping drinks, ordering doubles, becoming intoxicated intentionally to feel good or drinking to feel "normal"
• Having legal problems or problems with relationships, employment or finances
• Building a tolerance so that you need an increasing number of drinks to feel the effects
• Experiencing physical withdrawal symptoms such as nausea, sweating and shaking

People who abuse alcohol may experience many of the same signs and symptoms, however alcohol abusers don't feel the same compulsion to drink and usually don't experience physical withdrawal symptoms.

Use and abuse of drugs and alcohol by teens is very common and can have serious consequences.Drugs and alcohol also contribute to physical and sexual aggression such as assault or rape.Some teenagers regularly use drugs or alcohol to compensate for anxiety, depression, or a lack of positive social skills.

Warning signs of teenage drug or alcohol abuse may include:

• A drop in school performance
• A change in groups of friends
• Delinquent behavior
• Deterioration in family relationships.

There may also be physical signs such as red eyes, a persistent cough, and change in eating and sleeping habits.

Alcohol or drug dependency may include blackouts, withdrawal symptoms, and further problems in functioning at home, school, or work.
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Anxiety Disorders, Panics and Phobias

Anxiety is the fearful anticipation of further danger or problems accompanied by an intense unpleasant feeling (dysphoria) or physical symptoms. An anxiety disorder differs from normal stress and anxiety.  It is more severe and long-lasting, and interferes with work and relationships.  Anxiety disorders include Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Phobia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder. Psychotic Disorders ,depression, monomanias Anxiety is not uncommon in children and adolescents.

• Separation Anxiety Disorder: Excessive anxiety concerning separation from home or from those to whom the child is attached. The youngster may develop excessive worrying to the point of being reluctant or refusing to go to school, being alone, or sleeping alone. Repeated nightmares and complaints of physical symptoms (such as headaches, stomach aches, nausea, or vomiting) may occur.
• Generalized Anxiety Disorder: Excessive anxiety and worry about events or activities such as school. The child or adolescent has difficulty controlling worries. There may also be restlessness, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, irritability, muscle tension, and sleep difficulties.
• Panic Disorder: The presence of recurrent, unexpected panic attacks and persistent worries about having attacks. Panic Attack refers to the sudden onset of intense apprehension, fearfulness, or terror, often associated with feelings of impending doom. There may also be shortness of breath, palpitations, chest pain or discomfort, choking or smothering sensations, and fear of "going crazy" or losing control.
• Phobias: Persistent, irrational fears of a specific object, activity, or situation (such as flying, heights, animals, receiving an injection, seeing blood). These intense fears cause the child or adolescent to avoid the object, activity, or situation.

Symptoms related to anxiety disorders:

• Physical – Heart palpitations, chest pain, rapid heartbeat, flushing, hyperventilation, shortness of breath, dizziness, headache, sweating, tingling and numbness, choking, dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, muscle aches, restlessness, tremors/shaking
• Psychological – Unrealistic and/or excessive fear and worry, mind racing or going blank, decrease concentration and memory, indecisiveness, irritability, impatience, anger, confusion, restlessness or feeling “on edge” or nervousness, tiredness, sleep disturbance, vivid dreams
• Behavioral – Avoidance of situations, obsessive or compulsive behavior, distress in social situations, phobic behavior

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Psychotic Disorders, Depression, Monomanias

Psychosis is a mental disorder in which a person has lost some contact with reality.  There may be severe disturbances in thinking, emotions or behavior.  Psychotic disorders are not as common as depression and anxiety disorders, affecting just over 1% of the population.  Psychotic disorders include Schizophrenia, Psychotic Mania, Psychotic Depression, Schizoaffective Disorder and Drug-Induced Psychosis. Symptoms: Clinical depression lasts for at least two weeks and affects a person’s emotions, thinking, behavior and physical wellbeing.

Symptoms:

• Emotional – Sadness, anxiety, guilt, anger, mood swings, lack of emotional responsiveness, helplessness, hopelessness
• Psychological – Frequent self-criticism, self-blame, pessimism, impaired memory and concentration, indecisiveness and confusion, tendency to believe others see you in a negative light, thoughts of death and suicide
• Behavioral – Crying spells, withdrawal from others, worrying, neglect of responsibilities, loss of interest in personal appearance, loss of motivation, drug or alcohol use
• Physical – Chronic fatigue, lack of energy, sleeping too much or too little, overeating or loss of appetite, constipation, weight loss or gain, irregular menstrual cycle, loss of sexual desire, unexplained aches and pains

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Examination fear, Anticipatory Anxieties before facing Interview, Stage Fright

Fear and anxiety can affect all of us every now and then. It is only when it is severe and long-lasting that doctors class it as a mental health problem. If you feel anxious all the time for several weeks or if it feels like your fears are taking over your life, then it’s a good idea to ask your doctor for help. The same is true if a phobia is causing problems in your daily life, or if you have panic attacks.

It may be hard to admit to fears that most other people don’t seem to have, but asking for help is a sign of strength. Talking therapies like counseling or cognitive behavioral therapy, including self-help computerized cognitive behavioral therapy, are very effective for people with anxiety problems.

Write to psychologist@solvivahealth.com to find out more.

Drug treatments can provide short-term relief from the symptoms, but they won’t cure anxiety problems. Medication may be most useful when combined with other treatments or support

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Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Counseling and Therapy

ADHD is the most frequently diagnosed behavioral disorder of childhood and affects 3 - 5% of school aged children worldwide. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a chronic condition characterized by inattention and hyper-activeness that can last well into adulthood. Adults with ADHD often have difficulties maintaining long term relationships, perform poorly in school or at work and tend to have low self-esteem. In most people, symptoms of ADHD start before the age of seven. A diagnosis of ADHD can be difficult for parents and children. However, treatment can help, and the majority of children with ADHD grow up to be successful adults. Symptoms The symptoms of ADHD can be divided in three sub-categories: inattention, hyperactivity and impassivity. Inattention

• Frequently makes careless errors in the classroom , work, or other activities.
• Difficulty listening when spoken directly
• Experiences problems with completing chores, schoolwork, or duties.
• Regularly has difficulty with organization and planning.
• Often forgets important items necessary for work or school (e.g., notebook, pencil).
• Becomes easily sidetracked by external distractions
• Regular fidgeting with hands or feet.
• Talking excessively.
• Difficulty engaging in regular activities appropriately.
• Constantly feeling the urge to move or be "on the go"
• Frequently answers questions before they have been completed.
• Difficulty awaiting turn.
• Often interrupts conversations.

Hyperactivity Impulsivity So what causes ADHD? While there is a lot that isn’t known about ADHD, researchers have identified important factors that could play a role: Changes in the brain - Recent studies have revealed less activity in the areas of the brain that control activity and attention than in normal children. Heredity - Attention deficit disorder can run in families. Studies have shown that about one child with ADHD out of three has a relative with the same condition. Exposure to drugs - Pregnant women who smoke are at a higher risk of having a child with ADHD. Similarly, women who abuse recreational drugs or prescribed medications are also more likely to have children with this condition. Scientists have hypothesized that alcohol and drugs impair brain activity by restricting blood flow to the nerve cells that produce neurotransmitters such as dopamine or serotonin. Exposure to environmental toxins - Children that live in older buildings are at risk of chronic lead exposure, which can result in highly disruptive behaviors and attention problems. ADHD counseling and therapy In many cases children and adults with ADHD have other conditions such as anxiety and depression. The most effective outcomes generally take place when a group approach is used, with parents, counselors or doctors working with each other. Counseling types:

• Cognitive/Behavioral therapy. Children/adults with ADHD learn to talk about living with this condition learn newer approaches to cope better with their symptoms.
• Family therapy. This type of therapy can help parents better deal with the stress of raising a child with ADHD, as well as gain new awareness about this condition.
• Social skills training. Many children with ADHD lack socially appropriate social skills. This training can help children improve social behaviors.
• Parenting skills training. Like family therapy, this can help parents learn more about this condition, and identify more effective ways to guide their child's behavior.